Wasted Potential

•April 9, 2013 • Leave a Comment

I will shed a tear,

Down my cheek it will run

For you, only you.

Not because I’m losing you, though.

You deserve so much more,

But not from me,

It’s needed from yourself.

You don’t give yourself

The credit you deserve,

The chances you could have,

You rip away your future

With every strike against yourself.

Now that I’ve been with you,

Hurting you, hurts me,

And I don’t know

How much more I can take.

Seeing you rip yourself apart,

I’m not smart enough,

I’m not good enough,

I can’t do that. . .

I see you for who you are,

And I wish you could see

See what I look at in front of me.

You are beautiful and talented,

If you could just put your mind at ease

And see yourself as who you are and can be,

You could achieve so much more

Than I ever could.

The potential inside of you,

Is so spectacular,

I can’t see you continue to degrade yourself,

To hold yourself back,

Thinking you can’t attain anything

When the world is at your fingertips

Just waiting to be grabbed.

United

•April 9, 2013 • Leave a Comment

Through the night

The heat rolls over me

Scorching my body

A cool chill from my window

Saving me from my last breath.

Your body rolling on mine

Our melting skin rubbing together.

Sweat drops, as passion increases

For a second we are one

And in the middle of the night

Silence washes over us.

We can hear just our breaths

Deep but fast, panting our energy away.

It was just us,

Holding hands and grinning.

Nothing could come between us,

We were invincible,

Strong.

Together there was nothing

That we couldn’t achieve,

And we knew in that moment,

We would do anything,

Just to have that other person

By our side.

It was just us,

United as one.

Alright Heights

•March 8, 2013 • Leave a Comment

Hold on tight,

Here I come,

Racing the clouds

All for that one.

That special someone

Looking at me

Intent in their eyes,

Lifting me,

To greater heights

Before unseen.

Breathe and grin,

Those pearly whites,

Melting the hearts

Of young and old alike.

It’s all for you,

This feeling that shines,

Delightful and uplifting,

Radiating and pure,

The thoughts overbearing

My heart palpitating

My body floating.

The wind carries me

For you ease my troubles

So I am light,

I now know that everything,

Will always be alright.

Masks

•November 30, 2012 • Leave a Comment

The Prince of Denmark’s March played from the live orchestra. The candles placed around the hall flickered now and then in the mood lighting. Everyone was so elegantly dressed in their suits and long dresses. There were white and black masks galore. The colored masks were far and few between, which made the women and men who had them stick out. The colored masks were expensive, so the few who did wear them were bound to be wealthy. There was food, dancing, and most importantly champagne by the tons.

She wore a light blue mask, a fitting color for a young woman her age and status. When she walked into the masquerade, she was unaccompanied, which was something unusual for her family’s nature. Normally, a family of her status would have their daughter betrothed already, but alas they were always doing things so differently. “New money, they are so strange,” many guests whispered among the crowd. All she did was smile, put her pearly-gloved hand on the marble staircase railing and come down the mansion’s steps. Her eyes caught a glimpse of an empty table and she made her way to it without hesitation. They all knew who she was, but she knew none of them.

A man walked up to the table and sat down beside her. His mask was of blood red crushed velvet. His auburn eyes looked merciful and compassionate, a strong personality, but yet, with a soft touch. He laid two glasses of champagne on the table and pushed one elegantly towards her. “I know you don’t know me, but I’ve heard much about you. Please, have a drink.” His voice was tender and young, it made her feel secure and she smiled shyly.

Her cheeks raised under her mask which covered her face to the tip of her nose. She blushed, but he surely could not see the tops of her cheeks. “Thank you,” she managed to get out in a higher pitch than her natural voice. She moved her gloved fingers along the glass stem and watched the bubbles rise to the top of the golden liquid.

The ladies watched her every move, whispering to their friends, “It’s no wonder why she’s not betrothed to anyone, no one wants a woman who is disconnected from reality. Look at poor Sebastian trying to have a conversation with her . . . It’s just because she has money now, he would never have looked at her otherwise.” She never understood if it was jealousy that made the women say these things, or if what they were saying about her was actually true, did no one want her as herself?

Sebastian looked at the birthday girl, watching her stare into her champagne glass without ever taking a sip. She could see him watching her out of the corner of her eyes. They all thought she was different and just staring into space all the time, but she wasn’t that strange, she just liked to keep mostly to herself. She finally turned to look into his eyes once more, “I’m Adela.” Her voice was timid and sweet.

“I know who you are, it is your party . . .” His voice was strong and confident. She knew at this moment he would not leave her alone the rest of the night. She gave off a more forced smile this time as she grasped the glass with her gloved fingers. She brought it to her luscious pink lips that glimmered in the candlelight. “You look lovely tonight,” Sebastian complimented her so charmingly.

As she took the glass from her lips, she coughed a little. “Thank you,” she replied. She knew it was only false flattery. She brushed her long blond hair behind her shoulder and looked the opposite way as Sebastian. Her eyes scanned the crowd, hoping to find someone to get Sebastian away from her. The only people she could recognize were her parents. They seemed to be talking to a few people while watching over the party from a corner of the room.

She stood up slowly and gracefully, and moved her chair back. “Where are you going?” Sebastian asked.

She looked at him, “I’m going to speak with my parents.”

“Oh, would you introduce me?” He jumped at the chance.

“I don’t believe I even know your name,” she replied and continued away towards her parents. Her mother wore a pale yellow mask with pearls, which matched her long pale yellow dress. Her father wore a newly tailored black suit with a midnight blue mask, which accentuated his icy eyes. Adela walked up to them and hugged each. “I thank you both for throwing such a lovely party for me, however, I shall be departing.”

“Where do you think you’ll be going? You have responsibilities here. A young lady your age must be betrothed, we’ve already put this off long enough,” her father spoke up. His voice was deep and strong. “You must find someone tonight, this was our agreement.”

“You know the one that I want is not here.” She snapped at her father, looking at his midnight blue mask and just wanting to get lost in that night sky color. Before anymore could be said on the subject, Sebastian made his way into the conversation. He stealthily came up behind Adela and moved his arm around her waist. She wanted to move away from it, but there was no where to go with him on one side and her father on the other. His long fingers grasped her side, seemingly not wanting to let go.

“Mister Benigno, a pleasure to finally meet you in person, I’m Sebastian Domenico.” He gave off his charming smile. His thin lips curving around his perfect pearly white teeth. His blood red mask looking even more brilliant when compared next to her father’s night sky mask. Her father immediately stuck out his hand, something he rarely did when meeting people. Sebastian must have definitely been wealthy if her father was acting in such a manner.

“It’s good to finally meet you as well. A relative of the Domenico’s is always a welcome surprise, especially to an event like this.” Her father’s voice had let up a bit; he seemed more timid than before.

“Well, the beauty of your daughter has left me quite beside myself.” He matched eyes with Adela. She looked directly into his auburn eyes and felt trapped. She didn’t like him, something about him made her squirm in her skin. His eyes weren’t looking at her like they were before when they had been so merciful and compassionate. Now they looked at her as if she was an object to be obtained, perhaps she had made him angry by walking away so quickly. He did seem like the type of guy who would always get what he wanted.

“I’m glad to hear that,” her father replied. “She gets most of her beauty from her mother, I’m sure. Please meet my wife, Elise.” The quiet woman raised her arm with her white gloved hand. Her pearls were exquisite against her tan and freckled skin. Adela had gotten all of her looks from her mother, except for her eyes and her hair.

Sebastian grasped Elise’s fingertips and bowed his head a little. “It’s a pleasure.”

“The pleasure is mine,” Elise replied. Her voice was soft but confident. She spoke slow but gracefully. “I’m glad you have taken interest in our daughter. She could use someone like you in her life; someone like her father.” Her mother was rubbing shoulders.

“Yes, well, we both know what we want,” Sebastian said, his eyes glancing to Adela once more. “Now, if you may excuse me, I’d like to have this dance with your daughter . . . if she would allow me to?” His eyes glanced to her. She felt the pressure from her parents and the firm grasp of Sebastian’s hand on her side.

“Yes. . . of course.” She felt forced into it all. She wanted to question her parents. Who was this man they were sucking up to? She had never heard the name, but she had to admit she was always in her own little world. Her parents let her go do whatever she wanted, she was never into her parents business. She was led away, wondering who this stranger behind the mask really was.

As they reached the dance floor, he whispered into her ear, “Don’t run off so quickly next time, I won’t be so nice . . .” His charming smile now seemed so dangerous and sly. His grasp was tight around her as they moved along the dance floor gracefully. She remembered learning how to dance with her father when she was younger. She was so happy then, and she let off a smile. Sebastian saw this and whispered once more in her ear, leaning in close, “You see, I’m not so bad of a guy.”

Her memory seemed to be eaten away by a black mist at the sound of his voice. She was brought back to reality with a bitter taste in her mouth. She wanted to scream at him, she wanted to do anything to get away from this man’s grasp. She wanted to tell everyone she already loved someone and would give that up for nobody. She wanted to go against her parents, leave all this money behind, and live homeless with her love because she knew she would be happy with him. Instead, all she did was smile and nod her head politely. No one would ever call her a good girl, because no one could see the restraint she put on herself.

She had to admit, he didn’t dance poorly. She wished she could see him without his mask; see him for who he really was. Her hair swayed from side to side as they danced. Her eyes glimmered and they looked hollowly up into his. She could feel her heart fall as he tipped her down with his arm. He moved gracefully and sweet, with the manners of a true gentleman. He would have been a good partner perhaps, but she was in love with someone else, even if her parents didn’t want her to be.

The song finally ended and she tried to swiftly get away once more, back to her parents, but he grasped her hand and held it tight. “I’m not letting you get away from me this time. Come for a walk with me. . .” He pulled her towards the balcony with steps down to the garden in the backyard. The other women jealously watched them leave out the large glass doors, they suspected the worst.

The night sky was brightened by the full moon. She could see the beautiful rose bushes sway in the warm gentle breeze that wafted the hypnotic jasmine smell their way. This was finally a quiet place where she could ask what she had longed for. “Who are you?”

The question came so surprisingly to Sebastian; he dropped her hand and took a step backwards. “You really don’t know me? You don’t the Domenico name?” He thought everyone had known of him or his family.

“I’m sorry, the name may be familiar to my parents, but I don’t bother with their business. They let me do what I want, but they want me to get betrothed, thus this party.” She bit her lower lip and lowered her head to see his black shoes against the stone patio. “I have to tell you,” she started to say before he interrupted.

“I think I get it. There has been pressure on me by my parents as well. Though, I have never found someone as worthy of my love as you on this night.” He brushed her cheek and pushed her chin up. “I’m from an old wealthy family. They are powerful and they are good people to be friends with. Your parents are wise for acting the way they do towards me, but you. . . You strike me because you don’t know and yet, you are still polite. . . A true lady.” He moved in to kiss her sweet glimmering lips but she turned her head to the side, and he caught her cheek.

“I’m sorry, Sebastian. I love someone else. . .” Her parents would kill her if they heard her speak of such to a potential prospect that was “good for her.”

“I don’t see any other guy after you tonight . . . Where is he?” He knew what he wanted and was determined to get it by any means.

“My parents don’t like him and has refused marriage to him.”

“Perhaps they are only trying to look out for your best interests,” he suggested.

“Well, perhaps . . . But what if I don’t want anything they have to give me? What if all I want is love and happiness?”

“This is why I must have you! You believe in such things when I’ve only learned all people are only after my money, please humor me for tonight.” He moved his arm once more around her waist as he started to walk down the steps to the garden. His arm guided her as he walked her through the garden. “You deserve someone who could give you everything you’d ever want,” he grinned as he tore a white rose from one of the rose bushes and handed it to her. “Would you really want to abandon all of this if you didn’t have to?”

“If it was for my love, yes, I would do anything.” She stared into the middle of the rose. The petals swirled together and sucked her in.

“You see, couldn’t you learn to love me like you do this other man?” He took her gloved hand in his, entwining their fingers together.

To her, she never thought someone could be so determined, even the man whom she was in love with, wasn’t as persistent. He had given up on her once her parents had said no. He would see her now and then, but always kept his head low, and the time she had offered to run away with him, he denied her. He had told her there was someone else better suited to her and that he wanted the best for her, but wasn’t that what love was, wishing the other person happiness no matter what? She sighed, perhaps she didn’t really know what she wanted like she had thought. “I don’t know, Sebastian. Though, I do know, you definitely know what you want, and you definitely know how to convince someone.” She looked up at the night sky; it was almost the same color as her father’s mask, reminding her of what he wanted for her. He would love to be told of an engagement as soon as possible. On top of that, the way they treated Sebastian, they would probably faint of happiness and disbelief if it were to be him. “I honestly cannot promise my love for you will grow . . .”

“I know you can’t promise me anything right now, but please consider being by my side.” He was laying it on thick. He knew how to put a girl under pressure and his timing was perfect. She didn’t respond and looked into his eyes. He grabbed her, “I know this is hard for you, but we all give up some things for the benefit of our families and the future of ourselves.” He was older and seemed a bit wiser, and he was right, it would make her family happy.

He led her up the stairs and back to the party. He smiled at her and grasped her side tightly once more. She grimaced at the harsh touch but walked to her parents, and feeling a bit forced said, “Sebastian has convinced me that he will be good for me, not only now, but in the future.”

Her parents took their masks off and looked at the two surprised. “We never would have thought, with that other thing always on your mind.” Adela looked down, almost embarrassed. She looked up and took off her mask, she never would have thought she could have admitted liking someone else if only a little, either.

Sebastian grinned and stripped his mask as well. “The pleasure will be all mine, I just hope to keep your daughter in good company from this moment on.” His face was defined and handsome. It was the first time Adela had seen his face, and she knew it wouldn’t be the last. He always got what he wanted, and at the moment, she was just one more of his successes. She felt sick to her stomach, but this was for the good of her family. She held her head up high and cursed her beauty and her parents quietly under her breath. To be a lady was not always easy, she could only hope to find love in this man at some point in the future. For the good of the family.

Doors

•November 27, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Hold me close,

And tell me it’s the end,

Because I’ll never be seen this way,

Not ever again.

In the light that shines,

In the darkened sky,

The one the moths fly around,

And the other bugs scatter from.

It’s that light that guides me,

To your strong wooden door,

It’s that door that closes on me,

Letting me know no more.

I wonder if the world we see,

Is only like the dim light,

Guiding our way.

Our souls in the dark,

Clutching to the closed doors,

To help guide the path,

However unforgiving they may be.

In this darkened hour,

These frail cold hands,

These tired bony legs,

They need a place to rest,

A haven of warmth and comfort.

We knock on these closed doors,

Waiting for anything to open.

And sometimes the places,

We have once left before,

Where the light had shown us

We will remember forever more.

Sometimes we want those places to return,

They were the warmest we could remember,

The ones with the comfiest chairs.

And whether we settle

In a quiet little nook,

Or whether we abandon the house

To find another closed door in front of us,

And continue on the cold dark path,

There will always be that light

With the moths going ’round,

Leading us to our last door

Where we are forever bound.

Skin Shell

•November 21, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Tell me you love me,

And want to hold me,

Even with hollow words,

With poisonous slithering

Slipping lies coming from

Your ever quivering lips.

Watch me with those dark eyes,

With your empty stare.

You’re dead inside,

A complete disaster zone.

Touch me with your cold hands,

Chilling to the bone,

Yet, thrilling and warm.

Make love to me,

In the darkest of all ways.

With these lies, these dead eyes,

That shattered heart

Tattered and torn,

But still beating

Seemingly all on it’s own.

Take me down

Love me so,

Because there is no rebirth

In this skin shell.

A Story and A Relationship

•November 21, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Note: This was written for a class where we had to write a braided structure short story. This is what I turned in. It wasn’t much, and this writing exercise was hard for me… But alas, thought I’d share my attempt.

A Story and A Relationship

She sat down at her desk. The wood cold against her arms as she placed her fingers on the warm laptop keyboard. She had been staring at the blank screen for what seemed like hours, trying to think of something to do or something to type. Her mind seemed to be going all different sorts of directions and she didn’t know what to chose from. She kept questioning what she should write and what would be good.

She stood there staring at the boy in the grocery store. Biting her lower lip nervously, she tried to be inconspicuous. He was right around the corner of the aisle and she could see him while she acted to be looking at something on the shelf. She didn’t know how to approach him but she wanted to say something; she wanted to meet him. Her mind was racing with possibilities at the end of the juice aisle. He started walking her way, and she acted as if she was trying to choose a type of juice. He almost ran into her with his basket and apologized. This was her chance. . . “It’s okay. I’m Ellie.”

Ellie felt the warm touch of each key as her fingers slid over them with loud clicking sounds. She finally had grasped the idea she wanted to write about and it was flowing out of her onto the once blank page that had stared back. She was surprised about how easy the flow came once she got the idea, and everything just seemed to be stumbling out. One word right after another Ellie created her new character.

He paused seemingly caught off-guard by her sudden introduction. He smiled and replied, “I’m Tim.” He paused then continued, “Can’t decide on a juice to get?”

“Why do you ask that?” she replied.

“Because you’ve been standing here for awhile,” he hadn’t noticed her staring at him.

“Oh. . . yeah. . . So you’ve been watching me?” She asked.

“I don’t think that could be helped,” he smiled charmingly, his green eyes smiling with his lips. “Would you like to go out with me sometime?”

Writing was a commitment that had to be worked on every day. She must sit down every day, and even with nothing to write, she would force herself to write anything. Working on this story, Ellie had started an even bigger commitment. She had started a particular project, one that needed to get finished. She would sit down every day, look at her screen for a little bit before writing, and drank a big cup of tea.

It was their second date together. Ellie was having him come over for dinner that night. She was preparing spaghetti with meatballs, garlic bread, and Caeser salad. There was a knock on her door, and she grinned. She ran to the door and opened it, finding the tall brunette haired man on the other side. Tim gave off his charming smile and came in with a bottle of Merlot in his hand, “I thought dinner could use this,” and handed her the bottle.

“Thanks, that’s so thoughtful!” She went into the kitchen to open the bottle and get glasses. Meanwhile he looked around the small apartment living space. He looked at her open laptop and saw the story she was working on.

“What’s this?” He asked. He started reading a little of it and gave off a slight smile.

She peeked around the corner to see what he was talking about, “Oh, that on my laptop? That’s just the most recent story I’m working on.”

“You hadn’t mentioned you were a writer,” he exclaimed.

“Well, it’s not something I have any rights to brag about. It’s more of a hobby than anything for me.” She walked to him with glasses of wine in hand. She gave him one and sipped a small sip off hers. “This wine is good. Dinner is ready, by the way.” They went to the kitchen to serve themselves.

Ellie tended to write a lot about relationships. It was her heart that guided her fingers to typing the words that appeared on the page. She was quick to write like she was quick to love. Writing made her heart pound with every word. This was her passion, the thing she loved to just do. She had the ending left, though, the most important part. This was the tying of everything together into a perfect harmonious balanced end. It didn’t have to be happy, but it had to be right; it had to feel right.

Ellie heard a knock at her door. She went to open it and there stood Tim with flowers. Her heart sank and she smiled dumbly. She hadn’t been expecting him at her door, it was a pleasant surprise. “I have something to ask of you,” he said as he handed her the beautiful apricot colored flowers. “We’ve been dating for awhile now, and I really like you a lot. . . I guess, what I’m trying to say, is that I want us to be official, I want you to be my girlfriend.” She looked at Tim and then to the flowers.

She smiled and replied, “Yeah, I think that’s doable.” She laughed a little, put the flowers down and gave him a hug. She couldn’t believe this greatness came out of so much randomness at a grocery store. She picked up the flowers and took them to the kitchen, where she put them in water. She came out and saw him standing at her left-open laptop once more. She gave off a slight smile and walked to her printer, picking up a stack of papers. “Want to read a story?” Ellie asked.

 
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